What is it that parents want for their children? We want them to be healthy. We want them to not only do well in school, but to continue to have a love of learning. We want them to be hard-working and obedient. Those are good desires, yet that’s not any different from what unbelievers want for their children. As Christians, we should want something more. In fact, as we believe in the immortality of the soul, the reality of heaven and hell, the glories of Jesus Christ, it should be the chief desire for every Christian parent, above all other desires, that our covenant children walk with the Lord (3 John 4). This raises the question: what are the means that we can utilize to best foster this?
Two years ago, EPC Pastor Cameron Shaffer authored an article for Mere Orthodoxy titled “How Do Our Kids Stay Christian?” This is a useful article that helps explain our philosophy of ministry for youth. Shaffer outlines three specific elements that have been shown to have a lasting influence on why children who grow up in the church become and remain Christians: parents who take their faith seriously, children being a part of worship, and youth being welcomed, known, and discipled by other Christian adults.
As we look at this we have to begin by acknowledging that the Holy Spirit can act wherever he so chooses. Even the most faithful means are no guarantee of salvation for our children – salvation is not a formula, nor is the Holy Spirit a machine – and God can even make good use of means that scripture does not warrant because He is merciful and He is the God who can draw straight lines with crooked sticks. That said, God is a God of means and He given certain commandments to Christian parents and means through which He is most pleased to work for his saving purposes.
Shaffer first highlights that data has shown that many church programs geared toward youth, such as VBS and youth groups, do not make much of an overall impact. There are always anecdotal cases, but by and large, what is vastly more significant is not if children were sent to certain church programs, but whether or not a child’s parents take their faith seriously. This reflects what is taught to us in Deuteronomy 6:7, that it is ultimately the responsibility of Christian parents to instruct our children in the faith. “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Children need to see that Christianity is important to their parents and makes a daily difference in their lives. Otherwise, if it isn’t central to their parents, why should their children take it seriously? Raising children in the faith can’t be delegated to a church program because this is ultimately the responsibility of parents. The most important element for children to grow to claim our faith as their own is for their parents to have a faith that permeates their lives and to continue in their own walk with Christ.
Second, children grow in the faith by being a part of worship. Just as we don’t wait until our kids are older to show them the sports games we love, but include them even when they don’t know all the rules, our children ought to be a part of worship with all of God’s people. Paul even addresses covenant children directly in Ephesians 6:1 out of the assumption that they will be in worship. It is powerful for covenant children to see their parents bowing in prayer, listening carefully to the word, and standing to sing God’s praises. Worshiping God isn’t something just for grown-ups. As Jesus said, “Let the children come to me,” which we believe includes being in worship. Even from a young age, children can glean much from worship and even preaching, as the Lord uses it to mold their hearts.
Third, it’s also good for youth when they aren’t viewed as someone to be dismissed, but to be included because they really are a part of God’s family. We all remember adults who spoke into our lives when we were children. Sometimes it’s good to hear the same truths from someone other than our parents. We want to encourage all the adults at Covenant of Grace to be sure to get to know the names and interests of the youth here at our church. If your children have sports events, music concerts, or other activities, the other officers and I want to know about them so that we might be able to support your kids as a part of our church family. We want children to be included in the life of the body (church gatherings or work days) and to participate in conversations where we discuss God’s word and its blessings. This is a blessing to our children to actually feel in tangible ways that they’re a welcome part of our church family, which in turn helps them to want to continue to part a part of the covenant family.
So what do we do when we have that chief desire, that our children not wander away, but grow to walk with the Lord? In addition to bringing them to the Word in family worship (which we encourage all families to exercise!), be men & women who are yourselves pursuing Jesus Christ fervently and growth in him, bring them to worship as which is not just for adults, but all of God’s family, and surround them with other mature Christians who in turn love Christ and demonstrate a love for your children. Above all else, pray that the Holy Spirit would do what only he can: take away a heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh in His good timing. We love our covenant children and want to see every one of them grow to be men and women who love Jesus Christ, his church, and their neighbors as themselves.
~Rev. James Norris